Have you ever had one of those moments where something a rush of memories so vivid hit you and it literally feels like it happened to someone else? I had one of those moments recently. My neck had really been bothering me due to normal wear and tear at work coupled with the fact that I've been mountain biking about 5 days a week. Finally it got to the point that I couldn't bear it at work anymore so I sprung for a massage. I haven't had a massage in over 4 years now and as soon as I entered the room and got on the table, a huge flood of memories came over me. These were more than just memories, it was more like a feeling..... it was very familiar and very comfortable, yet very unfamiliar and dream like in nature.
The reason for this flood of memories is that my ex-wife is a massage therapist (not sure if she is still practicing or not) and she used to come home every night smelling like massage oil. The smell in the massage room is what triggered the memories and I suddenly remembered a different point in time in my life. It really was a surreal experience, I thought of everything that was going on in my life at the time, my marriage, having two puppies, working a 9 to 5 job, times spent with friends, tender moments with my wife. A literal onslaught of memories, with strong emotions attached to each one. That was only 5 years ago but looking back on it now, it's hard to believe that I really was that person. That Jon (or Noj, depending on what day it is) seems like a complete stranger to me. I worried about far different things than I do now, my goals and aspirations were completely different, even my identity seemed strange compared to who I am now. I remember that I loved my wife very much but things just didn't work out for us.
Moving to Kauai was the catalyst for the radical changes in my life, I suddenly found myself alone in a completely unfamiliar place and culture. I managed as best I could and made the most of my time there and when I returned home, I was a different person. That was 3 years ago now and to be honest, the greatest changes were yet to take place. A lot of unfortunate things occurred in my life in 3 short years. Carly died, I broke my arm, Grandpa died and I still have financial woes stemming from the island and my mountain biking accident. I'm not complaining or whining about this, those things were unfortunate but that's life..... things happen, good and bad. I was ashamed of myself, I was depressed, I hid from the world in my apartment, I was angry and bitter, I stopped doing everything. I spent all my time wondering what I did wrong. How did I screw everything up? Why was all of this happening to me? I longed for the life I once had. But that's life! Stuff happens! You have to believe that the best days of your life are ahead of you, not behind you.
So there I was on the massage, table lost in memories and I came to the conclusion that even after everything that has happened over the last 4 years, I'm happier now! I'm not bitter or angry anymore, I even hope that my ex-wife is happy. A lot of good things have happened to me in those 4 years, I was just focused on the negative. I lived in Hawaii, who can say they gave everything up to go live in the middle of the south pacific for two years? Things are different now, I'm having a great time riding my bike with my dogs and getting in touch with myself. It just seemed so surreal to have such a vivid experience of memories from a time not so long ago not being sure if those things really happened. Our experiences make us who we are but they don't define with us. I'm a much different person now and I'm very happy about it!
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