Loyalty, blind devotion and other musings......

I don't know why but the subject of loyalty has been on my mind a lot lately. I think it has a lot to do with a situation at work that I won't elaborate any further on. Loyalty is a very important thing with me, I don't give it very readily and when I do, it is usually with gusto.

Take my obsession with the Dave Matthews Band for instance. I have been an absolutely rabid fan of the bad for about eight and a half years now. That's actually not a very long time since the band originally burst on the scene back in 1994. I am very wary of fads so an artist has to be around a long time before I really start to give them credit as not being a "flash in the pan". Once I learned more about the band, their music and what they stood for, I really felt a connection to them. About twelve shows later and numerous annual trips to the gorge later and I'm still extremely loyal to the band. In fact, I don't think I've ever been as loyal to anything else as long as this with the exceptions of Elfquest, James Bond and Star Trek.

Loyalty to musical artists and other pop culture phenomenon is one thing but I've really been thinking about is loyalty in in friendship, family matters and relationships. I've never been very close with anyone in my family (though I'm trying with my father) so familial loyalty is something that I don't fully understand. That doesn't mean that I'm not loyal to my family, I just don't understand it as well as I should. As far as friendships go, as soon as someone gets past my initial barriers and demonstrates that they are a trustworthy person, I become extremely loyal to the. And consider the to be family in a way. This sometimes leads to some bad decisions, hurt feelings and misunderstandings when things aren't necessarily reciprocated.

Recently during my times of extreme duress, I learned the hard way once again that I have to be careful who I'm loyal to and ultimately who I trust. I have also learned that there are those to whom I'm loyal to that deserve far more than I could possibly give to them. On the bad side, I was betrayed and manipulated by the person whom I trusted the and was most loyal to. The dust is still settling on that whole debacle and I still find myself at a loss as to what really transpired. To add insult to injury, people who I thought were my close friends either abandoned me or took the opportunity to take a parting shot at me. These instances were sobering and hurtful to say the least but that wasn't the whole story. Other friends rallied around me, demonstrated how much they care for me and helped me find the help I needed to begin my life anew. I will always be fiercely loyal to these friends and hope that I will be able to pay them the kindness that they have paid me. I feel very fortunate to know these people and have them in my life.

As things move foreward, I have to be careful to refrain from being cynical and jaded towards making new friends and showing them who I really am. My time away at the treatment facility introduced me to some very wonderful people who share some of the same problems that I do and I came away with some friends to whom I will be fiercely loyal to the rest of my life. Entering into a new relationship may be painful and needs to be slow but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Loyalty continues to be a very important concept to despite what has happened in the past. People may not always understand my actions but when the chips are down, I will always be there for those who do command my loyalty.